Have you ever felt like a million spears hitting you where it hurts the most ? It really hurts, but we cant let go our love for the one responsible for this hurt.
It happens with everyone we love the most, the kids,the spouse, the family, and something in us will not let us hurt back.
However much I try to retaliate, it just wont let me, so I exercise my mind to go into a deep blank spot, and try and focus around the issue, instead of how it happened ? or what did I say ? nothing is more calming than a cleared up mind that focuses on doing a detour on the problem, try and go around it and you will see that you have arrived at a brand new road, a new solution, and from then you will never look back.
These are opportunities that we are pushed into to get on in life, so lets take it upon us, and go .. go .. go
"The kids have grown so fast," is the usual remark, someone makes, when they see them after a long time.
But have they really ? For us, they will always be 'Little children"
Yes, we do have to let them grow, and lead their own lives, but deep down they should be secure in the knowledge that they have our support.My parents, were always there for us, during our kids growing up years. A late evening at the office and there were my kids who were looked after by my parents, all washed, fed and kept ready to be tucked in for the night.
Our care for them, even as they grow up into adults, and our concern about the little blimps that they pass through makes a lot of difference, in terms of their emotional security. It really does not matter how anyone views our concern, so long as they are indepedent and we give them their space.
I have a friend who had taken his daughter and her husband under their wings after they went into a huge financial loss, especially that the girl, had eloped with her now husband, I think that was a magnanimous act on the part of the parents.
Nothing should stop us in always being concerned about our kids and of course whats happening in their lives.
I always love that phonecall where my mother chatters to me and realise how blessed I am, I feel so wanted and loved.
So dearies, make it a point to show concern, to inquire and of course that phone call will mean a lot.
I Was watching the two kids, around 5- 7 year olds, playing around whilst their mother prepared their dinner.
They lived on the pavements outside a posh apartment and I was waiting for my friend.
Just seeing them giggling and pushing (Yes, there was hardly any place to push ) but nevertheless they were having their share of fun, giving me too a happy sunny smile
Occasionally their mother leaned towards their direction and gave them a stern warning, I guess she told them to be wary of the vehicles around the place.
The children had a broken toy and a soft toy, on a chair there besides them lay a couple of text books probably their school books, mother was humming a tune, and also making an occasional comment to her 'neighbour.'
The kids seemed to be happy with whatever was theirs, happy with their broken toys, and a warm meal for the night.
What a feeling of guilt that was for me, that evening, they had so little but were the happiest ones I have seen in a long long time.
What does it take to make us all happy and content ? we must look around and then it will dawn upon us, how fortunate we are.
It is totally up to us to be the way we are. So lets dwell on the little things, and look around for happiness, its not too far.. a smile, a touch or maybe a warm hug.
PLAY IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF RESEARCH
- Albert Einstein
We all know how children love the great outdoors. Give a child the choice of being indoors or playing oudoors, they would definately opt for the latter. Children as we all know, are spontaneous - they do not keep back or analyze what they have to say.
Have you ever watched a child at play in a park, or even in a little puddle of water that the rains have caused? He is all absorbed in his play, swinging on the swings, looking for that push to feel... for just a second like a bird soaring. See the kids splash around in that puddle, unaware of the germs or dirt in it. At times like these i too feel like jumping along with them - we all have a child hidden within us, and do hope we never lose that. What about that little kid who has just had a fall off the slide? She now knows that she must go up the slide the right way. Every little experience, good or bad, teaches them.
In the documentary, the little boy is pasting himself with mud. Watch the ecstasy written all over him, the joy and the mess he has created for himself is all about having fun.The kids seem to enjoy being the kids they they are surely having fun, "To learn we have to get dirty," quotes one little kid. SO TRUE !!!
I always believed, when my kids got home, the dirtier they were, the more they enjoyed themselves, mudstained clothes, clods of earth on their shoes, and not forgetting the largest inhabitants of this earth, the ants, they would have so many ant bites as they were always curious to watch the ants carry their food into the nests and once they nearly broke a mini ant nest.
Many a times, they would take their waterbottles with them, only to come back and tell us, that they have grown a mango seed in the soil and have watered it, with that water, so "Mom, in a few months we will be able to eat mangoes," with their huge eyes and blabber that could melt any mothers heart. (I, of course, melted completely) They took me to see their "mango sapling" and could not believe as the earth was all dug up and no sign of any mango seed, at that time they realised that they had to shelter the seed away from the dogs around the place. They had learnt the hard way, but they would never ever make that mistake.It's not so much what the kids learn through play but what they wont learn if we dont give them that chance to play.
After an outdoor play session, notice how happy the child is, his talking can go on forever, how the goalie should have saved the ball this way had he not been dreaming,
Every face of the children who live in the city tell a tale, the longing of space, and the freedom that their inner selves long for.Like the girl who is riding the bike to get to school in the documentary shows us, how happy she is although going to school.
The great outdoors seen through the eyes of a child can never be the same for adults, the childs imagination runs wild here, he sees shadows lurking behind the cars and together with his gang of friends and all armed with fallen branches they try and captures the imaginary enemy. The little girl places a flower in her hair, and preens, like she is a Queen. Many a times, I have watched the kids play below my window,and have noticed how they enjoy stoning at "that" guava and after it was down, they would all take bites (still cant figure out how tiny each bite was,) but nonetheless they seemed to be enjoying the camaraderie.
Recently there was a dead sparrow, and who could have spotted it first but of course the kids, who are always looking for adventure. Their beady eyes missing nothing, saw it and the eldest of them just a teeny weeny 7 year old, decided to bury the little bird, he called his friends, all smaller than him and dug a pit, put in the bird, and covered it up with a mound of mud, and all left with a sense of solemnity. I was intrigued, these little 7 to 5 year olds had shown their love and respect for the little bird, in narrating this, would like to say that being in the outdoors gave them this opportunity.
We parents must know that besides their academic scores which is important as their play, everything needs a balance in life, unbalanced kids can be a nuisance to society and ultimately, tiresome adults, so the responsibility lies on us parents and our ability to help them balance work and play.The children in this documentary are so stressed leaves them no time to enjoy the great outdoors, physical excersise would be nothing compared to the mental stress that they go through.The boy clearly say"favourite part of the day is, when I play with my friends,"
In the words of L.R.Knost," “For a child, it is in the simplicity of play that the complexity of
life is sorted like puzzle pieces joined together to make sense of the
world.”
Dr.Ashok Jansari, in this documentary, stresses on the balance between academics and play, he states that going out and playing is an opportunity the children alongwith having fun, and how we parents must see that we they get their dose of outdoor play, he stresses that all their inner skills develop at a young age when they have been exposed to this "form" of learning.
My theory has always been fusing work with play, as you walk along the garden teach them colours of the flowers, show them the birds nests, mango blossoms, the cuckoos and the crows, the cycle and the motorcycle.
What a wonderful experience it is just being with the little ones,
their eager eyes grasping every little thing that passes by and their
ears taking in every sound of the wind or the whistle of the mynah.
“Go and play. Run around. Build something. Break something. Climb a tree. Get dirty. Get in some trouble. Have some fun.”
She was always fishing for compliments, and loved the people who fluffed up her false ego.
The moment she was told the truth she turned into a fireball, angry, eyes a slit, and totally out of control
Let me give you a brief on this lady. Being the only child of her parents and especially born after a long long time, with hands joined the parents had begged the Almighty for this precious, she grew up like any other kid was unaware of her priviledged life, but the years that she began to understand that she was "special' in all ways, that was the time she began her journey into being the spitball she is today.
From time to time, her parents were made aware of the way she was behaving, her disrespect towards the elders, her brashful ways to her companions and her wasteful ways...But did they heed ? NO, they just said"Oh we have been blessed with an angel"
That was the beginning to the end of this beautiful girl, she was lovely to look at and am sure like most human being had a lot of good within as well, only it had to be dug deep within.
A few years into her teenage years she fell onto the wrong side of the roads, drugs, alcohol abuse, loads of moolah, and no correction from parents ..
One day I bumped into her mother, who looked a shadow of her former self, she burst into tears the moment she saw me, I could not leave her in such a condition on the road and hence decided to sit in a tiny place for a cup of coffee where she told me and poured her heart out how sorry she was for that mistake of not correcting the angel and how she had gone, the parents incidentally did not know where she was presently.She said she was feeling much better after her download and left me with a huge feeble hug.
Years later, it was known that the Angel was in rehab, do not know what happened with her life after that, but surely the parents were on the other side waiting for her, and ready to love her unconditionally.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Discipline your son in his early years while there is still hope. If you don't you will ruin his life
I remember when I was a little child, my parents would always quote the above to me but in their own way, "There is only this much we can do/correct/make you understand the rest of you and how you decide to live and form yourself is all in your hands"
Our parents are our first contact with the world outside, our first teachers and our closest friends, our pillars, our banks(Till such time we start a job!) and yet many a times I have been a mute witness to them being the last people to know a happy situation.
The child was his parents only, and the apple of their eyes, they doted on him and nothing would make them believe that he was sometimes on the wrong side of the law, they would blame him, her them even if it would make sense - aliens, such was their total and complete trust in their child, nothing wrong here BUT when a lot of complaints keep pouring in from neighbours and friends they must be looked into, not"Impossible that he can stone your window," "I saw him do it" "NEVER" and BBBANG the door shut on their faces, it was the same old routine. Everytime some one went to complaint to his parents.
The boy grew into a little adult completely knowing that his parents were never ever going to find out his wrong doings or even if they did, "Not my child" he was so sure about it.
Bad company, no correction and unaccounted for money was a fatal combination, to his downward spiraling graph.
The mother and father were the last ones to know their "little boy" had entered into wedlock, that he was a father.
They could take it no more, they grew miserable and heartbroken was the way they lived.
A lot of thoughts passed my mind whilst many a "friend" came to their rescue, How compassionate we human beings are, how despite the same people being shouted at, they were the ones to pull them out of their darkness.
Nothing came to be know about the boy, except that he migrated to some foreign land, and that too his parents came to know via some channels.
We must realise however deep is our love for our kids, we must not rear monsters, we must see reason and analyse why so many complaints keep coming, and probably talk to our child coax him to tell the truth and each child has a different way to be dealt with, we parents can be the only priviledged people to be able to handle this difficult situation.
“Perhaps it takes courage to raise children..” - John Steinbeck
Saturday, February 2, 2013
"Are you lonesome tonight, do you miss me tonight are you sorry we drifted apart, do your memories stray to a warm summer day............."
He was singing this song with an emotion, that was so real, and only those few knew why this song meant so much to him.
He looked so sad and lonely as he belted out this famous song. Many moons ago,( let us call him Elvis after the famous singer whose lines he was crooning)Elvis was in love with a beautiful girl, beautiful within and out, they made an awesome couple, BUT there was a hitch, they came from different denominations, cultures were poles apart, despite all of this they seemed to be a couple made in heaven, the boys family was fine with this, BUT the girls family were guns ablazing, nothing could make them see reason "The young couple is happy" NO it was, and as we know how we strive to keep our parents happy the girls priority was this, Mother and Father could not see reason, they refused to see reason, they threatened, they pleaded, they begged and there she was betrothed to another.
A grand wedding at a five star hotel and life went on for her, I knew Elvis better ..Elvis completely broke down, refused to socialise, refused to meet any of his old friends, and continued with his job and his part time job as a singer and he was good at it.
It was at a common friends wedding that she (his Ex) attended that he especially sang out this song
She was well aware of his eyes moving in the direction of her dances, but the gentleman that he is...Never spoke a bad word about his relationship, not a harsh word about his old flame,
When we asked him about it all,"Oh! love is not meant to be caged, let it free if its yours it will come back to you "
And life goes on for him, says "Maybe true love will walk by me....One Day!"
Just watching Elvis sing his songs and we knowing the true meaning of the lyrics, the songs mean sooo much more.
'If someone you love, hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it."
